Give me the ok and I’ll do it tonight. I’ll over dose just so you have something else to laugh at. fuck you all and you’re selfish ways and evil thoughts. I quit I give up and IM done. This is what you wanted right? You wanted me disappear.
After seeing my doc I have more closure on what I’ve been going through. Now its time to paint it out
im on the brink of an eating disorder and suicide.. i dont know howi manage to talk myself out of both each time.. i do not feel worth it..not even to my parents. noone knows what im fighting. noone
if i die…i will simply be nourishment to the soil of this very earth. nothing more..nothing less
i blame myself and then i blame you and then i blame myself again.. i think this is what you wanted you asshole. i hate living like this and knowing youre still happy and im not.. i hate you in general actually. some days i just want to be dead because humanity makes me angry. i wanna blow my brains out. i am nothing…we are nothing we have money and then we dont. we are nothing special until one says so but still we are nothing. some wiill rise and some will fall and some will fall together. i just want to know why i struggle so much inside with wanting to be loved and given attention. what am i missing here>?? i just dont understand anything„, i cant take it anymore.
im not a schizo but i am definitely feeling crazy now a days.. i cant handle my own mind right now..i cant stand myself. i hate myself so much.. i have to fight myself and i cant change in any way… i hate living like this.. i want to die.
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I want to be whole and I want to be stolen. Happy ever after in Neverland and dreaming of white roses and clouds. I want to be me and bat my lashes with a smile of joy. Happy apples. No more rears no more fear. Free spirit and free mind blowing in the wind. I am no longer human.
Crying, this is beautiful in so many ways.
Why am I alone and attacked? Why am I a freak a weirdo and a loser? Why am I different? Black depressed bisexual. Why am I slow. Why do you laugh at me or try to make me upset. Taunt me so you can laugh. I’m so bullied and broken down that I don’t even know how to function as a human. I cry and get scared and runaway when things are hard. I fight to keep the fears away and I fight so can breathe. I want to wake up smiling every day and I want to stay that way. I don’t want liars or cheats around me just people who want to be happy. I don’t want to Blane myself anymore. I don’t want to feel small or inferior. I want to be smart and sharp. No extra sleep and a right body. Nice hair and skin. No trying to impress. Just impress without trying. Be on top bc I want to be. Try my best do my best. I want a bigger bed purple walls the smell of lavender. Comfortable room temp favorite pillow. Cool job cool pets happy me all icwr again. Happy me for me.
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I love and miss him.. somebody please help…. Im putting myself through so much I just can’t let go if him. Don’t make me let go :’(
Its pretty sad that I tolerate an insensitive asshole just so I’ll have someone to hang with bc my supposed friends don’t even attempt to contact me. It makes sense that people have jobs but damn I know they can make time to hang if they have time to go to the bar and what not. America disgusts me. I hate it…I hate people. I hate me. I want it all to go away and it won’t. This is why people commit suicide. To get away from the pain.
im fat not thick..im ugly not beautiful. and im everything that you dont want apparently. im tired of you. im just sick
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